


Nicknames

by ToWriteFanfictionOnHerLaptop



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Underage Prostitution, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-15
Updated: 2014-11-18
Packaged: 2018-02-17 13:50:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 14,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2311865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToWriteFanfictionOnHerLaptop/pseuds/ToWriteFanfictionOnHerLaptop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mortal A.U <br/>The pounding music of the club bounced around in my head as if it rattles through my bones and thumped in sync with my heart beat. I couldn’t remember how many shots I had but it was more that I had intended. But still as I ordered another shot of whiskey, I frowned on the bar stool and absorbed the beat of the music and the smell of sweat that surrounded me.<br/>When Leo accidentally stumbles upon a very drunk Nico, he decides to help him out. But how could this damaged boy mean more to Leo than anything he's ever known.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1- Chandelier

Leo P.O.V

The pounding music of the club bounced around in my head as if it rattles through my bones and thumped in sync with my heart beat. I couldn’t remember how many shots I had but it was more that I had intended. But still as I ordered another shot of whiskey, I frowned on the bar stool and absorbed the beat of the music and the smell of sweat that surrounded me. I couldn’t get drunk or so it seemed. I was probably already way past my limit but it didn’t matter how much my legs shook or my hands trembled, the fuzz that clouded my head still hadn’t come so I decided to give it a rest and finally go home. It was a rough day but that was to say the least. My girlfriend Calypso had moved to an entirely different state that seemed half a world away. I was majoring in Engineering at collage and between the constant studying and the part-time job I had, there was no time left in the day for eating, never mind visiting your girlfriend. We- she decided that we should end it, save each other the pain of trying to cling onto what we had.

I stepped out into the cold November air, my senses numbed from the whiskey in my blood. It wasn’t long before I heard a voice, loud and dunken from around the corner.

“I’MMM GOINGGG TO SWING FROM THE CHANDLIERRRR.” He sang obviously drunk, I stepped around the corner to find him, a vodka bottle disguised with a paper bag clutched in his hand. In the dim light of the streetlamps above us, I could see what he was wearing but barely.

He couldn’t have been older than 21 maybe about the same age as me. His hair was black and mattered while his skin was pale from sickness. He looked like he could have been Italian but it was difficult to tell. He was dressed in mostly black from his top to his jeans while his converse were spoiled with vomit and god knows what. He bent double and emptied another load onto the sideway and narrowly missing is already soiled shoes. I walked over cautiously and patted him on the back and slipped the bottle from his grip.

“That’s enough for tonight Kid.” I said softly.

“No!” He roared at me while he turned back around and tried to throw a punch at me.

“Kid, you can’t even throw a punch never less walk straight let me help you home.”

He reached for the bottle again and kept screaming at me. I sighed

“Okay, that’s enough. What could possibly make you want to drink this shit anyways? I bet you have class tomorrow. What are you going to do then?”

He looked at me confused and hurt, his dark brown eyes became wet and red with tears. Before long, he was crying pretty hard. He was saying something but it was hard to make out considering that he was wailing too.

“Kid, you’re going to have to slow down jeez. You’re not five anymore.”

“Stop calling me kid. My name is Nico.” He growled at me once more his tears suddenly stopping.

“Okay then Nico, I’m taking you back to mine to get your shit sorted. You can stay the night but if you dare vomit on my couch I swear to god I will kill you.”

“Fair enough” He agreed.

And so, he hooked his arm over my neck while I helped him to my house. I kept flashing glances at him to find out who he was and why he was so determined in drinking so much. I know I;m not a role model but at least I had a reason. I could begin to see the little details that I hadn’t noticed on my first glance. Like the Skull ring on his left hand and the silver cross around his neck. He had serious bags under his eyes and tattoos of ravens on the back of his neck that just poked out from under his collar. But what I noticed most were the pale white lines that covered his arms and wrists and for the first time today, I wondered if this kid had it worse than me.


	2. Chapter 2- Shattered

Chapter 2- Shattered

Nico P.O.V

I woke up with a crick in my neck and the feeling of dread filling my body. I turned and slammed my head into the pillows again remembering where I was and how I got here. Leo had dragged me here after I fucking spilled my life story to him while I leaned over the toilet trying not to vomit again. He patted my back and kept calling me Neeks like he had known me for years. Maybe he had in another life- a life where we were sons of gods and we had a purpose to fight and survive. I let out a soft laugh at the thought of me having a fucking purpose. The fuzzy memories from last night came back to me again.

_I stumbled through the door laughing manically at a joke that he had just told. It was strange that I didn’t know his name and yet, he had practically carried me to his house. His curly hair was wet from the rain as was mine. He reminded me of me when I was younger, the warm brown eyes and side smirk even though his breath stunk of alcohol, just like mine. He had an aura of home around him like you’ve just come back from a long trip and you can smell your mother baking and your father smoking and the fresh laundry. But he smelt like whiskey, grease and ash but it still felt like home._

_“Alright Kid, I’m getting you to the bathroom to clean you the fuck up.”_

_I shook my head again._

_“I told you,” I spat out like an ungrateful child, “My name is Nico.”_

_“Good for you now take of your shoes.”_

_And I did as he said. I took of my shirt and jeans and he left the bathroom._

_I took of the last of my clothing and slid into the shower and turned on the hot water. The heat cleaned off the dirt and the sweat and the vomit that covered my arms. I felt new when I came out. Leo had left a pile of clothes on the toilet seat, a hoodie and sweatpants- both black. I smiled a little and quickly got dressed. I felt a rumbling deep in my stomach as I unlocked the door and I quickly darted to the toilet. I kneeled over and gripped the sides until my knuckles turned white and I was shaking._

_I heard a knock on the door,_

_“Are you okay…Neeks?”_

_I answered with a cough and a retch into the toilet bowl. He opened the door quietly and I heard light footsteps on the door and then a hand on his back._

_“It’s okay Neeks, I got you.” He said softly as he patted me and drew circles on my back._

_“I’ve been meaning to ask you,” I said between heavy breaths, “What’s your name?”_

_“Leo.” He said. “And I’ve been meaning to ask you, what’s with the ravens?”_

_I smiled and I coughed again and wiped my mouth. I leaned back and rest my head on the cold tile of the bathroom wall._

_“Six teen years ago, my mother died. Brain cancer, inoperable. I watched her deteriorate into nothing until she couldn’t even remember my name. My dad didn’t give a shit, he just drank his way into oblivion. Then six years later, my sister died. A car hit her on her way home from school. She was an aspiring archer and she was the only one I had left. My dad dumped me in a home and so I grew up with the only three people I have ever cared about and when I was eleven they all left. The three raven symbolise them.”_

_I took off the hoodie and turned around so he could see them._

_“The white one,” I said, “Is my mother, Maria Di Angelo. The grey one is my sister, Bianca. The black one is my dad. “_

_“What about the one on your hip?” Leo asked._

_I sighed again, “The three ravens are my family, grouped together on my neck. The one on the hip is me. Dark, small and neglected. I forget who I am and I lose my way and when I figure it out, I’ll join my family.”_

_“You’ll find your way Neeks, It just takes a little time._

_“Yeah, I guess it does.”_

I pulled myself out of bed and walked into the living room to see Leo passed out on the couch which he had taken himself, insisting that I take the bed. I turned towards the kitchen and gathered my clothes from last night- washed and smelling like home- and pulled them on. I rushed to find paper and scribbled a note of thanks with my number scrawled underneath before I left searching for one last look of the only one I could consider a friend.


	3. Chapter 3- All of the Stars

Chapter 3- All of the stars.

Nico P.O.V

I hadn’t managed to get far when I felt a hand on my shoulder pulling me back. I turned around to meet warm brown eyes once more.

“You couldn’t just have called me?” I asked slightly annoyed that he had stopped me leaving.

“I could have.” He said, “But you’d never answer.”

I shrugged off his comment and carried on running down the stairwell desperate to forget last night.

“Nico, you can’t run away from your problems.” Leo called behind me trying to run at the same pace.

I whirled around caught on the stairs below him. I wanted to fight back, to argue my point of how I’d been running my whole life but that would give him the satisfaction of my attention.

“Look,” Leo said calmly, “I don’t want you going back to where you were and then me finding you blind drunk a week later. Please can you stay at mine for as long as you like. I’ll help you find a job and you can get back on track. Hell, you could even get a degree in god knows what but I don’t want you going back to last night.”

“You’re asking me to move in with you. A stranger. I met last night, when I was drunk? Are you out of your freaking-“

“I know its crazy and stupid I know but listen. You remind me of myself. You’ve been running your whole life. You get scared and worried so you drink and do whatever else it takes to make you feel better.” He grabbed my arm and held it towards to light.

“I don’t want you to hurt yourself anymore” He said in a voice barely above a whisper as he slowly, carefully leaned down and pressed his lips lightly to the scars on my arm.

“You don’t even know me.”

“That doesn’t mean that I don’t care.”

I yanked my arm away and leaned towards him swallowing him in a hug. I whispered thanks into his ear.

“Come and help me pick up my stuff” I said, “It won’t take long, I don’t have much.”

“Well, I’m going to change first, and you are going to get some god damn breakfast.” Leo said with a laugh as he pulled me back to his apartment.

Leo P.O.V

When we arrived at the door of Nico’s apartment, his hands shook when he opened the door almost afraid of what I would think. When I stepped inside, I gasped softly. It was dark the curtains looking as though they hadn’t been drawn in months. Clothes, beer bottles and food wrappers were abandoned on the floor. It smelt of dust and damp as if no-one had used it for years. But I gasped at the ceiling. The ceiling was a galaxy of glow in the dark paint. Constellations covered the white background. The trail spread like a tree’s roots to ever surface, the walls even the laminated floor.

“You know there is a Latin saying.” Nico said softly as he walked inside. “Sic itur ad astra. It means, and so is a path to the stars. But I learned a long time ago that stars die and so do the wishes we waste on them. I used to think they were gods one. I prayed to them to bring my sister back. I got a little obsessed I guess.” he laughed lightly and disappeared into his bedroom.

I began to pack up all the clothes on the floor into boxes promising myself I would wash them later for him. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a collection of needles and packets of white powder hastily hidden under pillows. I sighed and shook my head promising myself I would talk to home about it but not now. I breathed trying to shake off the bad feeling I had about this. I allowed my fingers grazed the walls, following the trail after Nico.

“Where the fuck did you learn Latin?” I said as I picked more clothes and shoes up from the floor and folded them into boxes.

“I studied it at school.” He said non-chalantly. “I got interested in it because I figured I could insult someone and they wouldn’t know but I just learned profound sayings that made me question life.” He finished with a dramatic hand gesture that made me laugh.

“Come on” I said, “Let’s go home. What’s the Latin for home?”

“Domum.”

“Domum” I said as I slipped his hand into mine.


	4. Chapter 4- Fix you

Nico P.O.V

“Well, here’s the spare room.” Leo said showing me the space. “It may not be much but we’ll decorate next week if you want.”

He was right, the room was plain but comforting. The walls were white and empty with a large window shedding light which made it seem bigger than it was. A bed was in the corner with black covers and a wardrobe opposite was large and oak, reminding me of the story Bianca used to read me when I was younger. The wooden floor was a lighter shade than the wardrobe. The cold sunlight of mid-November shone through the window and willed the room with a glow that felt like it gave me life. But it was cold and ruthless in the way it made me feel like home.

“It’s… nice”

Leo smiled at me and then left, leaving me to unpack.

“Oh and Neeks” he called behind him, “if there is anything that you need, please tell me. Remember, this is your home now, make it feel like it.”

I spent the rest of the evening unpacking and arranging with Leo bringing me the odd cup of coffee. I carelessly checked my phone to see it was nine and the light patter of rain had started to drum on the windows.

Then, the light drum of a knock caught my attention

“Nico,” Leo called, “There’s Pizza if you want and I’m going to watch Game of Thrones if you wanna join me.”

“Yeah, I’ll be out in a minute.”

I pulled on some sweatpants and a hoodie. Putting my hand on the door handle I exhaled and stepped out

“And he lives.” Leo laughed. “Pizza’s on the side. I’ll put Thrones on now.”

“What is Game of Thrones?”

Leo gasped and put his hand over his heart as if he had a heart attack

“How do you not know?!”

I shrugged and a goofy smile appeared on my face when Leo grabbed my wrist and dragged me to the kitchen to get the rest of the pizza and then to the couch.

“I’ve got Collage in the morning and then work so we can get through the first 3 episodes before I have to go to bed.”

“Okay. Let’s do this shit.”

We sat there for 3 hours in a pizza indulged marathon of violence, boobs and blood but eh only thing I could concentrate on was Leo. His fingers drew patterns on my forearm and wrist the entire time and I wanted to flinch away and draw my arms back to myself but I couldn’t. Every time he did it, my blood sparked with an electricity that seemed unique to him. Leo switched off the TV and sat back down on the couch

“We need to talk about something.”

And that is when my heart stopped and my blood froze in its tracks. And he continued.

“While we were at your apartment, I saw white powder and needles and I want to know why they were there. I want to know how long it’s been and how dependant you are.” He said with a seriousness that I had never heard before and he finally sounded concerned.

I breathed deeply and spoke.

“When Bianca died, I was so lost. I ran away from home. I was hungry and cold. A guy took me in and he got me into all kinds of shit. He made me…do things so I could get my next fix. I needed to be on something to do the things I did. I started with weed, and it got worse and worse and worse and I tried Heroin and I never fucking looked back.” I laughed bitterly when I remembered my younger years. "I was in that hell hole for 6 years. I finally ran away when I came to my sense. I got a job, tried to re build my life for once. Then I got a letter from god knows who, but I think it was the ring leader. He said he was coming for me, to drag me down. Business had been declining since I left and no-one could replace me. I bought the heroin the night before you found me. I haven’t used it since I left I swear but I was planning to but you found me. I don’t need it anymore but if I was given the chance…god I would.”

Tears began to run down my cheeks.

“I’m sorry you had to find me Leo. Just a broken fucking boy that takes up space. You don’t need that in your life. It would be better if-“

“Bullshit. Don’t you ever say that kind of shit ever again. I won’t allow it.” He put both of his hands on the side of my face and forced me to meet his eyes.

“Meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to you and to me. This is going to be good for you. Consistency. You won’t have to leave or run away ever again okay. You can stay here as long as you damn well like.”

He paused for a second and then said.

“I will try my damn best to fix you Nico di Angelo. And when I do, you will see how much you’re worth in my eyes.”

He stood up and whispered a goodnight before going to his bedroom. I stood up and went after him. I barged into the room and found him sitting on his bed in the darkness.

I put a hand in his hair and looked him in the eyes, my breathing deep and heavy from anticipation. His eyes seemed to glow in the dimly lit room, the brown deeper and darker than anything he had seen. They welcomed him. They felt like home. I was the first to lean forward and my lips crashed onto his. It was needy and sweet and tired and everything that I needed in life. He filled me with an energy that I had never felt before as if I was coming back from the dead. I took a step back, my breathing still heavy and my hand still tangled in his hair.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, roomie.” I said before turning on my heels and walked out, painfully aware that me watched me go.


	5. Chapter 5- Cold Coffee

Leo P.O.V

I wake up to the harsh sound of an alarm in my ear as I can still feel the sleep in my eyes. It would be so easy to just have my head touch the pillow again and slip back into my dreams but I have things to do, a future to build. I pull the covers off myself and stand up, concentrating most of my efforts on trying now to fall over. I fumble on my night stand for my glasses and manage to put them on in the dim light. I plod out of my room and find my way to Nico’s where I knock lightly on the door.

“You up Neeks?”

“No,” He says tiredly

“How do you take your coffee? Sweetie.”

“Milk two sugars and stop calling me that, I’m not made of fucking chocolate Valdez”

“You damn well taste like it.” I say with a smirk deceiving a groan of embarrassment from the other side of the door.

I continue my journey into the kitchen and switch on the kettle and wait to be joined by Nico. When I’m about to add the sugar to Nico’s coffee, he emerges from his bedroom and the only word I can form is a fuck. And even then it’s a whisper too quiet for him to hear. He’s dressed in black sweatpants that hug his thighs and that’s it. His skin is pale and he’s all messy black hair and brown eyes. He’s tired and his feet are dragging and it takes everything that I have not to stare at his torso. I avert my eyes and slide him his coffee along the breakfast bar which he catches in his left hand.

I grab a breakfast bar and make my way to the couch with my coffee.

“I’m at college today and then work, I’ll be home at about 5. Okay?”

“Yeah that’s okay.”

*****************************************************************************************************************************************

When I drag my feet into the local garage where I work part time, my eyes immediately search for the coffee machine to wake me up more.

“Hey Valdez.”

“Hey Charlie.” I say knowing his voice well as I punch in my usual

“Look” He says, “I know you probably don’t have time but Travis cancelled on us and we’re short staffed and well, I need you to stay until 7”

I sigh knowing that I can’t say no to my friend

“You so owe me next time.”

“Yeah I know, I promise it’s just this once and I’ll get Travis to cover your shift next time he can actually get off his butt and come to work.” He says with a laugh and I smile and pull my phone out of my pocket to tell Nico.

_To: Neeks_

_Hey sweetie, got come bad news_ _L_ _xxx- L_

Less than a second later, I get a reply.

_From; Neeks_

_Awwwie, what is it? – N_

_To Neeks:_

_Charlie says I gotta stay until 7 sorry but I’ll make it up to you- L_

_From Neeks:_

_Idk, I might enjoy some Game of Thrones ;) – N_

I stifle a laugh and type back

_To Neeks:_

_You dirty bastard. Don’t you dare get anything on the couch.-L_

Almost immediately, my phone buzzes again

_From Neeks:_

_I can’t promise anything ;) hehe- N_

I laugh and put my phone in my pocket and get to work.

****************************************************************************************************************************

I arrive back at my apartment exhausted, filthy and smelling of grease.

“Honey, I’m home.” I say with a laugh when I smell what seems to be chicken.

“I’m in kitchen.” He calls back, “And stop calling me that you bastard.”

“Aww.” I say walking to the kitchen. “But then I wouldn’t get you angry and flustered.”

I kiss him on the cheek and wrap my arms around his stomach and bury my nose into his neck. I hear his breathing hitch for a second and I know I’ve found his sweet spot.

I smile into his neck

“So how was your day?” I say like I have no idea what’s going on.

“Shut up” He says as he turns around and begins to kiss me wild and needy and I smile into it. I push him onto the counter and his legs are wrapped around my wait and for a second, I was surrounded by everything about him and everything he was, his smell, his little noises and his breathing. Then, his breathing hitched again and he stopped. He began to shake and tears sprung from his eyes.

“Nico?”

His breathing became rapid and panicked as if he was forced into a corner. I reached for his hand but he yanked it away

“G-get away from me.” I whispered and he jumped off the worktop still shaking.

“Nico, it’s me, Leo.”

“N-No. You want me to fuck that guy again don’t you? I-I won’t do it J-Jason. I won’t. I don’t care”

I remembered. I remembered what he had told me and I was so fucking stupid to try and get him to do that.

“Neeks, Jason isn’t here. It’s me, just me. I’m Leo remember.”

His face was red and his eyes wet and his shaking even worse. He looked angry. He looked confused and lost and everything in-between.

He looked at me, hard and his face softened. All the worry melted away from his features and his arms dropped to his sides.

“It’s me.” I said again and he fell into my arms, sobbing. His cries were loud and vibrated through his body and we stood there for what felt like forever.

“Nico?” I said again

“I’m sorry.” Was all he could whisper back.

“It’s fine” I whispered and I looked him in the eyes, “Go sleep in my bed, I don’t want you alone tonight, okay?”

He nodded and I went to turn off the stove and the lights and climbed into my bed where Nico had already got himself comfortable. I reached out and took his hand in mine and drifted off to sleep knowing he could make it through tonight with me by his side.


	6. Chapter 6- Boom Clap

Nico P.O.V

I wake up to the pitch black of Leo’s bedroom even though the clock tells me its 10. I sit up, the cold stinging my arms and stomach. There are vague memories of last night swirling in my head and I wish they would disappear but it seems all too real.

“Fuck.” I whisper as my head collapses back onto the pillow. What the fuck did I do to deserve him? He’s known me like what- 2 days but it’s like he’s been my best friend for years. A sigh escapes my lips when all I can think of is him. The way his hair bounces as he walks and how concerned he is all the time and how he fucking took me in and god, he’s like a fucking Samaritan and I have how I came to find him. I manage to pull my thoughts together for long enough to drag myself out of bed and put on a pair of jeans and one of Leo’s smaller t-shirts. He’s taller than me so it still feels a little loose but it smells like him and I like it

When I walk out of Leo’s bedroom, it occurs to me how empty the apartment is without him and scares me how abandoned I feel. I shake it out and drag my feet to the kitchen to see a note from Leo.

_Hey Neeks,_

_Pancakes and coffee in the microwave if you want them. I went out to get things for later but I won’t be too long so don’t sorry your pretty little ass off._

_Try not to set fire to my house_

_-Leo xxx_

A laugh bubbles out of my lips at how ridiculous he is and I walk over to the microwave to find a stack of pancakes and some coffee- just like he promised. I grab them and plod over to the couch to eat them with a slight smile on my face and just then, I hear footsteps and then the opening of the door.

“I see the sleeping beauty is finally up.” He says cheerfully. He’s wearing his glasses again and fuck, they look good. He’s in his jeans and a fairly colourful t-shirt like the one I’m wearing now.

“Jesus.” He says, “I need to get my contacts in. Oh and Neeks, we’re going out later. Try to look pretty.” He winks at me and leaves. And that’s when I know I’m in too deep.

* * *

 

We walked down the street to the nearest park laughing and joking and it makes me wonder what he has planned. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this good with a friend. It’s like he makes my skin brighter and my head less hazy and he feels like he’s made of pure gold, shining like the sun in is ridiculous t-shirt and big brown eyes and I swear I could have melted. The whole time, he drags me by his side as he explore the town that I’d only seen with hazy eyes and a bottle in my hand.

We finally stop at a park and it seems all too perfect for me to comprehend. And there we sit on a bench eating Ice-cream and taking about shit that doesn’t matter.

“No, I swear, this guy comes into the garage and he is so old like older than your grandma. And he’s dragging this scooter and he just says, I wanna pimp it out and I fucking lost my shit.”

Leo blabs on until he heard a cry that could only be a child. He looks around a spies a little girl that could only be 5, on the ground clutching her knee. She has a very small build but it seems like her hair is huge. It’s straight but long and a dark brown. Her little brown eyes are teary and red and they remind me of Leo. There aren’t any adults anywhere and he runs over and I follow.

“Hey.” He says with a smile as he kneels down near her. “What’s your name?”

She sniffles and in a small voice says, “Hope.”

He smiles a little. “Are you okay Hope?” and she gives a small nod. Leo stands up and holds his hand out for her. Which she takes and stands up but she wobbles a little. Leo picks her up and puts her on his hip.

“Better?” And she nods again.

“Let’s find your Momma. What does she look like?”

“Uh, he had brown hair and muddy eyes, she looks a little like your friend there.” And she points to me. Leo laughs and begins walking.

It doesn’t take long before we eventually find her and she’s sat on a bench panicking and calling someone. I go up to her with Leo following me.

“Miss, I think we found your daughter.”

“Oh thank god!” She exclaims and takes her from Leo.

“Yeah, the little bug ran away, scraped her knee but she’s fine. She’s a brave little girl.” Leo says with a smile.

Hope nods and her Mother laughs

“Well, thank you. When I next see you, I’ll owe you a Starbucks or something for helping me find my little girl.”

Leo laughs and says his goodbyes with me in tow. He’s talking to me but I can’t think and before I know we’re back at his apartment building and it’s dark. I look around and the streetlights make everything seem so bright and I look at Leo, and they illuminate him as if his bones are made of starlight and it makes me smile. He looks at me and grabs my hand and leads me up to his apartment.

“Get your pyjama’s on, we’re watching Game of Thrones.” He says with a laugh as he pushes me into his bedroom and then onto the couch as the title music plays. I hear a knock on the door.

“I’ll get it.” I say as he pauses the TV.

I open the door to a boy a little older than me with messy black hair and green eyes and I haven’t seen him since I escaped Jason. His clothes are ripped and dirty and he looks like he needs his next fix.

“Percy.” I say.


	7. Chapter 7- Sugar We're Going Down

Nico P.O.V

I couldn’t move as I felt the rush of memories flood over me. His hair was still as wild as I remembered and his eyes still as mesmerising and everything about had a glow of hope that I had lost so long ago.

“Percy, what are you doing here?”

“I ran away Nico. I couldn’t take it anymore. The same thing over and over and it felt so fucking wrong. The sex, the drugs and abuse I couldn’t. It was only last week and I saw you in the park and it was so fucking hard to believe so I followed you here and I need you Nico. I don’t know who else to turn to. Mom’s gone, Dad’s in prison. You’re the only friend I have.”

I leaned forward and hugged him like we always used to. Me on my tiptoes just so that my head could reach his shoulder and it felt so right and it felt like home even though we’d been through hell.

“It’ll be okay.” I whispered quietly into the crook of his neck and I felt him nod.

“Percy.” Leo interjected, “You could stay here. I haven’t got any more rooms but the sofas always free if you need it but no offense but dude, you need a shower.”

I laughed and so did Percy.

“Fair enough. Thanks.” Percy said. “So, how do you know Nico?”

“He’s my room-mate” I answered before Leo, “Now come on, to the shower.” I pushed Percy along to the bathroom and breathed a sigh of relief when I heard the water of the shower begin to tumble.

“Your room-mate.” Leo said shortly.

“I’m sorry I just don’t want him to know about us yet?”

“Why though? I cannot see any reason why he shouldn’t know. Do you two have history is that it?”

I felt the anger begin the rise in my chest, spreading to my lung and limbs almost as if I were ready to breathe fire.

“Leo, it is so much more fucking complicated than that. You wouldn’t understand or at least you’d get jealous and then get pissed again.”

“Well, I am so fucking sorry that I clearly don’t have the emotional range to understand the shit you’ve been through Nico. Honestly I am, maybe you’re new fuck buddy or boyfriend or room-mate or what the fuck ever will.”

“I called you a room- mate that’s technically true. Why does this matter to you so much?”

He was silent.

“No, Tell me.”

“Because I thought you’d finally opened up to me. I felt like I was getting somewhere with you.”

He exhaled and grabbed his keys and his wallet.

“I’m going out. I’ll see you later. Sleep in your own bed tonight.”

“But Leo-“

“Save it kid. Just- save it.”

And with that he left giving the door a slam on his way out.

My head felt fuzzy and my vision blurry as tears pricked my eyes. Stumbling over to the couch I began to wonder what Leo really was to me. He was a friend obviously but e nearly fucked because I wanted too. And I kissed him. And he let me sleep in the same bed as me. And he’s known me for a day but was already concerned about me and what I was like and nobody had shown me that much attention before and it felt, strange.

The sound of Percy snapped me out of my bubble of wondering and forced me to realise reality. Leo would probably come home drunk and he would kick me out. I would have nowhere to go. I would have to go back to Jason’s. Percy would have nowhere to go and he’s follow. The tears came fast after that and it was only when I felt Percy’s hand on my shoulder when I realised that there was at least one person who cared.

“Nico, what happened?” He said, still wet hair dripping onto his lap.

“Leo left. He got pissed and now he’s going to get pissed and he’ll probably kick me out and I don’t want to give this up. Things are finally starting to get better for me and I’ve ruined it for me and for you and I’m sorry, I’m so sorry-“

“Ok shut up.” Percy said with a laugh. “If Leo cares about you, he won’t kick you out. If he knows about the shit you’ve been through then he won’t because I bet he is a damn good friend.”

“I guess.” I said with a sniff. “Do you remember what Jason made us do?”

Percy froze for a second but then nodded stiffly.

“How could you forget of course? It was so fucked up. Being his favourite couple that is. It would be like I was betraying you when it was time for business. But I remember this one time when he promised me a day off if I played his little game with you.”

“You got a day off? Lucky bastard” Percy laughed

“I know right. I was as shocked as you.”

“You must have been his favourite. How could you not be, you’re pretty fucking hot.”

“Yeah, whatever you say Jackson.”

I looked up at him and I remembered all the times he’d help me when the days seemed too long to bother to carry on, and the way his bed head sticks up and his sleepy eyes and his arm and his hips and-

“I missed you so fucking much when you left.” Percy whispered

Before I could think of Leo I leaned and and kissed him.

Percy broke off first.

“What about you’re room mate?”

“Fuck him, if he wants to get pissed, I might as well enjoy myself”

And we tore the clothes off trying to forget the desperation and the sadness and everything we had ever known.


	8. Chapter 8- Haunted

Leo P.O.V

I open my eyes groggily after a night of not much sleep. I had arrived back home at around midnight only to hear the noise of Percy and Nico coming from Nico’s room. I found that it was hard to sleep when you can’t stop shaking from the sadness that consumed me. Putting my glasses on, I stumbled out of bed and went to Nico’s door but hesitated. My hand rested on the cool wood as I wondered if I should. Why should I bother if he’s already awake? Why should I bother if I was just a room-mate? I shook my head and shuffled to the kitchen to find something to try and subside the shake in my legs.

Just as I sat down on the couch with my cup of coffee, the sounds of shuffling and the creaking of the door came from behind me.

“Hey.” He said, his voice small and raw.

“Hey.”

“Why are you drinking coffee? You don’t drink coffee.” Nico said suspiciously.

“Yeah, I needed something a little stronger. I didn’t sleep much last night. You see, you and your friend in there kept me up half the night. And god Nico, you are a fucking screamer.”

His eyes widened a little and a smile of satisfaction grew on my lips.

“Leo, about that-“

“No, it’s fine. You can do whatever the fuck you want. Do you know why? Because I have bigger things to worry about like getting an education and putting a roof over you and your friends head.”

He looked confused like he expected a sudden declaration of love or hate.

“So, that’s it. You’re just going to go to college. No shouting, no throwing things.”

“No.” I said calmly, “I’m not going to do that Kid. You’re going to learn on your own.”

I walked towards my bedroom to get ready but he blocked my path. He was getting angry, frustrated even.

“Seriously. Oh come on Leo. Shout at me, tell me I’m s fucking idiot! Go on! You are not going to walk away from this. We need to talk.”

“Yeah, and we have.”  I said coolly. “Now move Nico.”

 “No. You can’t fucking leave me like you did last night. I fucking did what I did because you left.”

“Then I guess it’s all my fault. See you at about seven, kid.” And I slid past him and into my bedroom as I heard him cry.

_This is going to be hard to keep up_ , I thought.

* * *

 

A sigh escaped my lips when I arrived at work. I rubbed my hands on my face and then through my hair to try and wake myself and then, forget about Nico.

“Hey Leo, tough day?” Charlie said,

“Yeah,” I nodded, “You could say that.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

I sighed and rested my head against the coffee machine.

“I don’t know, It’s complicated and I’m pretty sure I’d come off as an idiot or something.”

“Hey.” He placed his hand on my shoulder, “I’ve known you for what, 5 years and I have never seen you this bummed out before. Come on, tell me what’s up.”

“It’s my room-mate.”

And I told him the whole story of how I took him out and how Percy had arrived. And I told him everything we had said this morning. By the time I’d finished, it was almost 4.

“Jesus Leo, he sounds like an ass.”

I shrugged, “Yeah he can be sometimes. I just, don’t want to talk to him because if I do I know I’ll say something stupid and I don’t want to do that. I care too much. I don’t want to lose him.”

Charlie nodded. “I guess, if he cares enough, he’ll let you make up your own mind.”

“Yeah I guess.” I said as I got ready for another shift.

 

* * *

 

I arrived home a little later than usual. It was raining pretty hard outside so the buses we’re fucked up more than usual. Before I entered, I took a deep breathe and stepped through the front door.

“Leo, Is that you?”  Nico called.

I stayed silent and made my way to the kitchen shedding my wet coat along the way. Entering the kitchen, I noticed that Nico was cooking and he had set the table out-something I usually never do. I looked up at him hoping he would see the confusion on my face.

“I thought we could talk.”

“We’ve done out talking Kid.” I muttered as I grabbed an apple and headed to my room.

“Not so fast Valdez” Nico said as he grabbed the hood of my hoodie and yanked me back. “We’re going to talk whether you like it or not.”

“But I’m sure your boyfriend would hate to hear you talking to me.”

Nico sighed and shook his head

“I did some networking and I found one of Percy’s Ex-Girlfriends. Annabeth I think her name was. After I told her what happened to him, she agreed to set him up for as long as he needed. She had always been caring of him and anyway, it’s the best place for him. He left when you went to college.”

“Oh.” I said before I could think. “I’m surprised you could stay away from him for that long.” I said before turning away from him.

 “No Leo!” Nico shouted making me turn around. I was a little scared of him, I’d never seen him this pissed before.

“Percy was a mistake and you know that as well as I do. I had feelings for him once but I was a fucking mess and I don’t anymore. He was a crutch for me, I could rely in him when I didn’t think you’d understand. We almost had something but you won't finish what you started. Whatever this is could have helped us.”

He took a deep breathe to keep the tears at bay.

“Do you know what I first thought when I really looked at you? I don’t know what it is about you, maybe your eyes or your smile but something makes me feel like I’m at home. It’s like you’ve had to walk in the rain for so long you don’t know what it feels like to be warm. Then you trudge through the front door all wet and cold and you Mom is standing there with a meal and a hot drink and all you can think about is how good all that shit was because now you have this amazing thing to come back to. That’s what it feels like when I’m with you. Like I actually have a home. But when I look at you now, I don’t see the warmth. Your eyes have gone cold and it’s my fault. Leo, it was a mistake and I was too wrapped up in all my self-loathing and bitterness to even remember you and I’m sorry. You’re like my new addiction. It’s like your only thing that could keep me sane when everything else goes to shit.”

“I thought that you looked so fucking wasted that you couldn’t stand.” I said with a laugh

And he laughed too and it was the best thing I had ever heard.

“Maybe it would be better if we just stayed friends.” Nico suggested.

“Yeah, maybe.” I muttered as I disappeared into my bedroom to think about what I actually felt for this stupid Kid that had somehow broken down my walls.


	9. Chapter 9- Drunk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that this one is a little short. Next one will be longer :)

Nico P.O.V

I sighed wondering what could be wrong with him. I was sure I was doing the right thing, and it’s the truth. Leo and I are too different to be a couple but, would that stop anything? Shaking my head, I move the soup I was making away from the hob and head towards the cupboard. After picking up a bottle of vodka I had bought earlier, I headed to Leo’s door and knocked.

“If you sing ‘Do you wanna build a snowman?’ I swear to god Neeks, I will actually kill you.”

I laughed and said,

“Nah, It’s not my style. But I have a lot of the alcohols.

“Alcohols?” He said through the door.

“So, You wanna get fucking pissed?”

Leo opened the door and leaned on the door frame with a smirk

“Oh you know me so well.”

We didn’t have to drink much before we felt like we were floating and immortal in our Vodka induced trance.

“Okay, so. When did you lose your virginity?” I slurred.

“18” Leo said.

“I win.” I said, “16”

“Damn boy.” Leo laughed. “Okay my turn, First kiss.”

I thought for a while before saying,

“Percy Jackson, 16”

Leo’s jaw tensed slightly.

“A girl named Piper, 13. I win” He said slowly as if It were not a happy victory.

I glanced over to Leo and noticed an area of bumpy skin on his arm

“What’s that?”

Leo looked away. He’s had less Vodka and was probably more aware of what I was saying than I was.

“It’s from…an accident.”

“Nah, It has to be from something more. Look at you. Come on Leo. Spill.”

Leo sighed.

“When I was ten, I was playing with matches and my blanket caught fire in my Mom’s workshop. She was a mechanic. The fire spread quickly. My Mom got me out. She went back in to get something to do with my dad- I can’t remember what but I remember when the shop exploded. The last thing she said to me was ‘I’ll be right back’. She never did come back and I’m the one that killed her. I used to love fire, the fact that you could melt anything down and make something new but now, it doesn’t seem worth it. The burns it can make don’t heal as quickly as the scars they leave behind.”

I let out a laugh.

“I know that feeling.”

Leo turned to me, his eyes burning with anger.

“How could you possibly know that feeling?”

“My dad tried to drown me and my sister once.” I said as I took another swig of vodka.

The fire died and a thick silence spread between us.

“He what?” Leo whispered.

“It was after my Mom’s death. He blamed us for some reason. Anyway, my dad was really religious. He thought we had ‘demons’ and they should be killed. He ran and bath and pushed our heads in. Bianca kicked him away and we ran”. I finished bluntly. I don’t like talking about my father especially to people fele like I’d just met. But there was something about Leo. I felt as though I could trust him with my life and all the shit that came with it.

“I had a heart attack when I was born.”

“Woah, the fuck?”

Leo laughed and lifted his shirt up enough to reveal a long white scar on his chest. It was faded and deep but still apparent.

“I was born 2 month early and well, a died. Then I came back to life. It turns out I had a hole in my heart or some shit. My first 5 years were spent in a hospital, passed out and being operated on. How fun.”

He pulled his shirt back down with a sideways smile on his face. I thought for a while.

“I win.”

“Oh hell no, you don’t win.”

“Yeah I do,” I said. “Cause I have a half-sister.”

“Woah dude.”

“Yeah,” I nodded, “I meant to track her down when I left Jason’s but it never happened. It was like she didn’t exist.”

“Hey, what’s her name?” Leo said.

“Hazel. Hazel Levesque”

“I know her.”


	10. Chapter 10- Never Stop

Nico P.O.V

I paced and anxiously checked my watch.

“But what if she says no?” I asked Leo again.

“Nico, if she says no, she says no. You’ve been working yourself up for a month. Come on, I’m here.”

“She’s the only family I have left.”

Leo pulled me into a hug and I buried my nose into the crook of his neck.

“It’ll be alright Neeks.” Leo pulled away. “It’s not or never.”

I nodded and with shaking hands pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialled the number.

_“Hello”_ Said a voice on the other side of the line.

I cleared my throat and said

“Hi, Is this Hazel?”

_“Yep. Who’s this?”_

“I’m Nico, Nico Di Angelo Um, I don’t know how to say this but, I think I’m your half-brother.”

The line went silent for a second.

_“Your Father was Hades Di Angelo?”_

“Yeah. Hi family. So Hazel, I’d really like to meet you and considering it’s nearly Christmas, I’d love it if you could come round to my apartment so that I can meet you.”

I turned around to see Leo smiling and nodding encouragement at me while I gave her my address.

_“I’d love to. I’ll see you tomorrow then Nico.”_

“See you tomorrow…Sis.”

The line went dead and I breathed out a sigh of relief.

I turned to Leo and said

 “I have a sister.” And for the first time in forever, I had a family.

* * *

 

It was around 3 when I heard a knock at the door. I got up and straightened myself up trying to look presentable. Leo had decided to get us matching Christmas jumpers which only added to my dreading of the day.

I opened the door and was welcomed to my family.

Hazel looked around 16 although she could have been older. She was about the same height as me but not nearly as lanky. She looked as though she was buried under 2 jumpers and a coat with a light dusting of whiter covering her shoulders and her top strands of curled hair which was tied back with a golden ribbon to match her eyes. She smiled and it reminded me of the smile Bianca would give me when she said goodnight.

Without thought, I ran towards her and scooped my sister into a hug that felt like I’d never see her again. I was determined to keep her safe.

“Hi” I said into her shoulder

“Hi” she said back.

“Aww, you’re getting me all teary with that little reunion you got going on there” Leo said as he wiped a fake tear from his cheek.

“Shut it Valdez.” I turned towards Hazel, “This is my room-mate-“

“Leo Valdez. When did you last grace the halls of our fair high school?”

“It’s been a while Haze, and you ain’t grown at all” Leo gave her a sideways smile and turned towards me to give me a wink.

Hazel shook her head and shed her coat which I took from her and welcomed her into the apartment. After an hour of chat, Hazel rose and said,

“Nico, Can I talk to you in the kitchen for a moment please?”

“Hazel, you don’t need to be so polite, you’re around family now.” I said as I rose and walke dover to the kitchen.

“Ok, Spill.” She said.

“What?”

“Oh come on Nico, Leo isn’t just a ‘Room-mate’ and you know it as well as I do.”

I looked at my feet refusing to answer her.

“Nico, you can tell me.”

“He took me in after he found me drunk and I liked him yeah because why wouldn’t I. And he agreed to let me live here as long as I wanted just because. And I don’t know, maybe there was something between us, there nearly was but I fucked shit up. I- We agreed that we should just be friends about a month ago. But, I don’t want to just be his friend anymore, He practically saved me when I had no-one and I need him”

“Have you told him this?”

I shook my head again.

“Write him a letter, It’s the easiest way trust me. And you have to tell me everything that happened of course.” She said with a smile.

Hazel kissed me on the cheek and went back to talk to Leo while I started thinking how I could possibly fathom my thoughts into words.

Hazel left at midnight after we had watched every single Christmas special that was on TV.

“Keep in touch okay.” She said while hugging me

“I wouldn’t dream of doing anything else,” I laughed as I watched her leave.

“Well that went shockingly well.” Leo said.

I nodded and went into the kitchen where I had hidden my letter. I placed it carefully on the counter and exhaled a shaky breath.

“Night Leo.” I called as I walked into my bedroom to calm my nerves. I placed a shaky hand over my heart to feel the beats. It was funny how my heart still raced at the thought of him even though I was calm. It wasn’t long before Leo burst through the door with my letter in his hand.

“Is this true? Like, all of it.” He said, his speech broken as he panted with the tracks of tears still fresh on his cheeks.

I nodded and he disappears from the door way but I heard is frantic footsteps and muttered voice. Leo arrived back at my door with another wad of paper in his hand.

“I have something I want to read you.”


	11. Chapter 11- I'm A Mess

Leo P.O.V

“Night Leo.” Nico called from the kitchen before I heard his door quietly click shut. I sighed and finished the drink I had poured earlier. Collecting the plates and glasses that were scattered around the couch. I walked into the kitchen to put the plates in the dishwasher and sighed again, resting my head against the cold wood of the cupboard door. I recovered my breath and turned around to see a few sheets of folded paper. I picked them up and carefully unfolded them to see my name.

_Dear Leo,_

My mind raced with so many possible scenarios. Of course, I knew it was Nico’s handwriting but why would he write me a letter? I continued reading, scared of what would come next.

_Hazel said that it would be a god idea to tell you how I was feeling because to be honest, I’m a mess. Everything about me is a mess and nothing quite feels real. I’m not sure how I feel about you because I’ve never felt like this before and it scares me. But I do know that when I’m around you, it’s like there is this fire and it burns and it burns and it lights me up in a way that Percy or the drugs or any vodka never could. I have been shit to you, and I know that. I said that maybe we’re too different to be together but god, I wish I hadn’t. Maybe, the differences are what make us perfect. If you’re the light, then I’m the dark. If I’m destruction, you’re healing and maybe you can heal me._

_Am I sounding cheesy yet? God this is so fucking hard for me. I don’t love you, not yet. I like you but god do I like you. You found me pissed as hell to forget all the shit that happened and you broke down my fucking walls that I had spent years building up in one night. Percy left cracks. You came in with a fucking bulldozer. It scares me that you did such damage. You know as well as I do that all I will do is hurt you and eventually, I’ll fade away but before that, I want to know what love feels like and I want to know you. I don’t know if you feel the same. But if you do, tell me so I can know love again._

My hands shook and my heart beat in my ears and I didn’t feel real or whole. There were fresh tear tracks on my cheeks but I didn’t bother to clean them. I couldn’t get rid of the feeling that perhaps he was lying or cheating me into believing I had a chance. Then, there came the warmth and the happiness and the possibility of a relationship with one of the sweetest guys I’d ever met. My hands tugged at my hair to bring my back to reality. Grabbing the letter, I rushed to Nico’s bedroom and opened the door, my hands still shaking.

“Is this true? Like, all of it.” I said, breathless with my tear stained face and shaking hands. In the darkness, Nico nodded. I ran to my room and searched through my night stand muttering and rehearsing the words. Finally, I found what I had been looking for, the small wad of paper. I appeared back at Nico’s door where he sat looking small and vulnerable.

 “I have something I want to read you.”

“What is it?” He said quietly.

“The way your hair looks in the wind.

Your tattoo.

The little black raven on your hip.

Your smile-“

“Leo what-“

I cleared my throat and took a shaky breath.

“This is a list of reasons why you’re special to me and why I like you.”

Nico went silent for a moment and it scared me as my hands shook more making the paper vibrate on my fingertips. Nico stood up and walked over to me, placed his impossibly cold hands over my own.

“It’s okay. Keep reading.”

“Your smile when you’re telling a joke.

The look in your eye when you smile.

How much you love Game of thrones.

How strong you are despite all the shit that’s happened to you.

How jealous you get.

How caring you are.

How much you love your family.

How good you look when you wake up.

The way you look when you’re caught in the rain.

How much you love astronomy

How you can speak Latin.”

“Leo.” He said, his face impossibly close to mine.

“Y-yeah.”

“How long does this list go on for?”

“How oblivious you are to my feelings sometimes but you always know how to apologise and make me feel better.

How you never give up.

How you’ve broken down my walls after a month and I still can’t believe how much I care about one person.”

I looked up and his eyes sparkled with tears and he leaned in and wrapped his arms around my neck and buried his face into my shoulder.

“I think… I may just love you a little bit more.”

And I remember how the hugs turned to kisses. And how the kisses turned love. And how the love made me feel real again.


	12. Chapter 12- Sweater Weather

Leo P.O.V

It was New Year’s Eve and it had been about a week since Nico and I had made our relationship ‘official’. But, when I woke up from out now shared bed alone, my heart began to heave and my breath became short and uneven. Tears sprung in my eyes and my head felt light. Through the fog in my head, I heard frantic footsteps make their way towards my bedroom.

“Leo. Leo!” I heard a familiar voice say and then shout and a cold hand made its way into mine.

My thoughts came back to me and I recognised the black hair and worried brown eyes looking into mine.

“N-Nico?”

“I’m here. It’s fine. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have left but I went to make coffee.”

I threw my head back onto the pillow with Nico still holding my hand in an iron grip.

“You’re not going to work today.”

“Nico, if you feel like you need to babysit me, forget it. I get a little panicky sometimes when-“

Nico laughed.

“Me, babysit you. You wish Valdez. No, we’re snowed in. You literally cannot go to work.”

I murmured a sorry while Nico kissed me on the forehead and then my hand. He handed me the phone to call my boss.

I heard his voice on the other end of the line.

_“Hey Leo.”_

“Hey Charlie, I can’t come in today. The BF and I went at it last night and I literally cannot walk. I’ve told him, he’s the bottom next time but he doesn’t listen.”

The phone went silent and then he said,

_“You better be shitting me Valdez cause we’re friends but Jesus that is too much info.”_

“Nah bro, I’m snowed in, sorry.” I said while laughing hysterically down the phone.

_“Well thank god for that. I’ll see you after the Holidays. Try not to have too much fun.”_

“No guarantees.”

I heard him sigh.

_“Bye Leo.”_

“Bye Baby.” And the line went dead.

“Dude, what the actual fuck?” Nico said still laughing.

“What? It’s half true.”

Nico shoved me and stood up.

“I am disappointed in you Leo Valdez.”

“What? Too sexy for your pale ass.”

Nico scoffed and walked to the kitchen and out of my sight.

I quickly pulled a jumper over my head and ran after him.

“What the fuck are we gunna do today? I can’t go to work. It’s too cold to even bother going outside. We finished Game of Thrones. What do we do?”

“Well, somebody is grumpy early in the morning.” Nico laughed.

“I wouldn’t be grumpy is _somebody_ didn’t leave me and nearly give me a panic attack.”

 Nico went silent and the feeling of dread spread through my chest as if it entered my blood stream.

“Look Leo, I didn’t know- I’m sorry I-“

“It’s fine. I should probably tell you what it about. Ever since my Mom died, I get panicky when someone isn’t there and being alone scares me. And because… this is so new, I thought you’d ran away again and I got scared and-“

“It’s separation anxiety. I had it when I was a kid. Bianca had to hold my hand until I was 6 or I’d start crying. Then Mom died and it got worse but Bianca was still there to hold my hand.”

I walked towards him and grabbed both of his hands in mine.

“Well, I’m here now.” My voice barely above a whisper.

“You know, I remember a brownie recipe. That could help pass the time.”

I laughed and a small smile made its way onto Nico’s lips.

“Let’s do it.” I said, kissing Nico on the cheek before racing to the kitchen.

“Leo…”

“What?” I said childishly.

“I thought you were the adult here.” Nico said with the edge of a smirk on his lips.

I playfully shoved him and jumped onto the counter to watch him. Every time he reached up to get the ingredients he needed, the black jumper he wore slid a little up his back exposing the black raven that lied on this hip and the splatter of freckles on the small of this back.

“Enjoying the view?” Nico said without even turning around as if he knew I found find that small strip of skin so satisfying.

“How could you possibly know?”

“Because I know you.”

“Well, did you know I’d do this?”

I jumped off of the counter and launched my arms at Nico in a full frontal tickle attack.

“L-Leo” Nico shouted through stunted breathes and laughter. “Stop.”

Tears came to his eyes and I laughed when I let him go and got a slap on the arm.

“How the fuck did you know I was ticklish?

I shrugged and smiled at his red face and messed up hair.

“You have to go sit in the naughty corner.”

“But Nicooo.”

“Nope. Sit.”

I sulked and plodded my way over to the counter again. But, it was in the moments that Nico didn’t look at me that I found the best. The moments when I saw that little crease in his eyebrow or his one sided dimple in his cheek or the way the winter light bounced through his hair and it was in those moments when I realised that I might be falling for this kid.


	13. Chapter 13- Immortals

Leo P.O.V

I wait patiently in the kitchen for Nico to finally wake up. I swear that kid could have slept through a nuclear apocalypse. Finally I heard the familiar drag of his bare feet on the carpet. His eyes were tired and his hair as messy as I’d ever seen.

“Happy Birthday Neeks.” I said with a huge smile on my face.

He made a sound like he’d been punched in the stomach.

“I’m twenty. I have to act…responsible.”

I walked over to his and enveloped him in a hug.

“Don’t worry, in a year you can legally get pissed.”

Nico gave me a small smile.

“Good point. So do I get a special breakfast or is that a little too out of reach with your culinary skills.”

“I didn’t mean to burn your eggs last time okay?”

“Yeah, but you did.”

I scoffed and grabbed his hand to lead him to the kitchen. On the counter was a stack of pancakes with a candle sticking out of the top and a cup of coffee

“Happy birthday you idiot.”

Nico turned around me to face him

“Thank you.” Was all he said before he buried his head in my neck once again and held on tight. We stayed there for what seemed like forever until I heard a knock on the door.

“I’ll get it.” Nico said before disappearing around the corner.

Nico appeared back around the corner pale and shaking followed by a boy I’d never met. He was fairly good looking, no-one could deny that and he was tall with short blond hair and shocking blue eyes. He had a small scar in the corner of his lips.

“Hey,” I said smiling and offering my hand out for a hand shake “Who are you?”

The boy took my hand flashing me a smile.

“I’m Jason.”

My blood went cold when I heard his name. My limbs hardened and my heart seemed to pump faster. I let go of his hand.

“What are you doing here?” I said through gritted teeth.

Jason laughed,

“I’m guessing Nico told you about me. Well, you see I am very much aware that it’s his birthday so I came for a visit. How long has it been Nico, four years?”

Nico looked up at him and nodded quickly before pulling his eyes back to the ground as if he weren’t worthy.

“What do you want? You haven’t seen him in four years. Why now?”

“Aw well you see, I’ve come to take back what’s mine.”

“Nico is no longer yours to torment Jason. He is not a thing, he is a person.”

I walked over to Nico and grabbed his hand before pulling him behind me to protect him.

“Oh I see, you have feelings for the boy.”

“How I feel is none of your concern and I want you to get out of my house.”

We stood there, our eyes locked in battle where neither of us dared to speak but I could still feel Nico’s cold hand in mine as he shook, trying to keep tears at bay.

“So, that’s the way it is.” Jason said coldly.

“Yep.”

Jason sighed and reached into his back pocket. His hand appeared again with a gun.

“I didn’t want to do this Leo.”

I pushed Nico away and ran towards his, my hand outstretched. I struggled with him, trying to deflect the gun away from me when I heard it fire.

 _No_ I thought, as I looked around to see Nico clutching his stomach his face twisted in pain and disbelief.

“Look what you’ve done.” Jason said flatly, “He’s no use to me now, enjoy your corpse.”

And he left.

I ran over to Nico and caught him as he fell.

“N-Nico, I’m so sorry this is all my fault. I didn’t- It wasn’t.”

“Shut up.” He whispered, “It was his fault, don’t go blaming yourself.”

I ran and pulled a cushion off of the couch and pressed it to his stomach.

With shaking hands, I pulled my phone out and dialled 911.

“Hello,” I croaked, “I have an emergency. My Boyfriends been shot. Come quickly.”

As I told them my address, my other hand pressed against the cushion hard.

“Leo” Nico said, his voice as small and vulnerable as it had been when I met him. “Imagine if we were immortal. Imagine that if right now… we could just live forever. We could live together forever in that moment.”

“That’s how I already feel when I’m with you.”

He laughed, although it sounded more like he was choking. He was using all of his strength to stay alive in this moment.

“I love you.” I sobbed, trying to keep myself together for him.

“I love you too” Nico said equally as quiet.

“Please don’t die on me.”

“I wouldn’t dare.”

I tried to picture my life without him and it made no sense. My future seemed bleak, my eyes seemed dead and my heart too broken to carry on.

And I heard another knock on the door.

“Come in!” I shouted.

The paramedics ran to his side, cutting open his shirt to reveal the wound. One of them pulled me aside, the tears still in my eyes

“It’ll be okay son, we’ll patch him up.”

“Yeah.” I said my voice black and my heart numb.


	14. Chapter 14- Lullaby

Leo P.O.V

Nico was rushed to hospital with me holding his hand all the way there praying to every god whose name I could remember that he would be okay. They rushed him to theatre and I remember waiting- not allowing myself to fall asleep in case there was new news. It had been what, a day since I’d last slept and even then, Nico was next to me curled up into a ball. They’d managed to stitch him up as okay as they could but his immune system wasn’t the best, probably from the drugs but they said he was stable for the moment. They had warned me that he may not make it and in that small white room, it was hard not the believe them. Nico laid there, unconscious and having to use a machine to breathe. It hurt to see him so small, so broken. I dared not to touch him, afraid that he would turn to dust and yet, I still held his cold hand in mine.

“Hey Nico.” I said quietly with the steady beep of machines in the background.

“Do you remember when we first met? I do. I was having a shitty day, I just broke up with my girlfriend- I never told you that. I went into that club to get pissed so I could forget her. And I couldn’t forget her, so I left. And I heard you singing with sick on your shoes and your t-shirt. Look what I found.” I squeezed his hand hoping he could hear me. “I found you. I never thought that an irritating kid would squeeze his way into my heart. I never thought I’d fight so much for you. You mean so much to me.”

I took a deep breathe trying to hold back tears.

“Do you remember Valentine’s day? I remember your face when I gave you the present. Do you realise how hard it was to find a bear that big? I was looking for like, a week. You were so pissed off with me but you loved it, I could tell. I came home late once and I saw you spooning it and you looked so cute. I miss that about you- that look on your face when you’re trying to scowl but you just can’t. I know you wanted to laugh. Could you laugh for me now Nico?  I want to hear you laugh one more time. Please Nico, Please”

I felt the tears becoming heavy now and I placed my head on our hands and I wished I could feel him stroke my hair and tell me it will be okay cause he is okay.

“Y-you can’t give up on me Nico. You can’t. All of those times I’ve wondered what was going on in that stupid head of yours and how I could make it better for you. All of those times that I’d be thankful you’d come to me in the night because felt safer with you there. Just hearing you breathing put me at ease and now look at you. I-I don’t want to say goodbye. I can’t say goodbye to another person. Please Nico”

I looked up at his still body.

“I need you to fight for me now. Don’t you dare make me say goodbye without you saying goodbye first. Do you remember when you had a nightmare for the first time and you came into my room shaking and pale and I let you sleep next to me? But you couldn’t sleep so I had to sing you that lullaby. I wish I could remember it so I could sing it to you now. I wish you were awake so you could sing it to me. I’ve only ever heard you sing once, an you were pissed. Nico please. Whatever strength you have left- use it! Fight it Nico! I need you Neeks. I love you. Please say it back, one last time.”

I squeezed his hand and I felt his hand squeeze back for a second. My breath hitched and my head felt light.

“Nico. Nico!”

His eyes cracked open slightly and that familier brown came rushing back to me.

“L-Leo.” He croaked

“I love you too.” He said quietly as if his lungs were failing him. His eyes closed again.

“Nico please! Nico!”

I heard the beep of the machines speed up and then slow.

“I NEED A DOCTOR” I shouted loudly still gripping onto Nico’s hand

“Please don’t do this.” I muttered quietly. I heard the footsteps of 2 maybe 3 doctors rush into the room and one of them tear me away from him. I screamed and fought for them to let me go but they pulled me away as I heard the flat line.

“No.” I whispered

 I sat down numbly in the chair in the hallway for five minutes until a doctor came out, a blank expression on his face. And he told me what I never wanted to hear. My legs failed underneath me and they hit the cold hard floor with a thud and the pain jolted through me but it was nothing like the pain I felt in my chest as if my heart were physically breaking.

And it was on the 7th of March that Nico Di Angelo died- A day after his 20th birthday.


	15. Chapter 15- Afire Love

Leo P.O.V

“Are you ready to go?” I asked Hazel ready to depart for what I was sure would be the second worse day of my life.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” She replied. Her face was covered by a black veil to hide her puffy eyes and her equally as dark outfit made her look even smaller.

“Okay.” I said. “Do you mind if I pick up a few things, tell the driver to wait.”

Hazel nodded and left to tell the undertaker. I looked around the empty apartment thinking of everything that he had touched. The slight crease in the couch where he laid and the lack of his clothes on the floor made it feel like there was a hole in my chest. I wondered to his bedroom and his neatly folded pile of shirts still remained in the chest of drawers. Slowly, I picked one up and pressed it to my nose, tears threatening to prick my eyes. I put it back on the bed and picked up the list I had wrote for him and his pair of earphones and shoved them in my pocket before too, departing.

We arrived at the church and nothing could have possibly prepared me for how I felt seeing him like that. He looked too live laying there in his black suit that fit him too well. His skin looked too alive, his cheeks too rosy, his face too calm. I’d seen him when he slept but he looked nothing like this. When he slept, his mouth hanged open and his hair was messed up and he used to fight to sleep because of his excessive nightmares. But, here with his hair combed and mouth closed, he looked dead, not asleep like they always tell you.

“Hey Neeks.” I whispered, “I-I miss you bud. Like, a lot. Anyway, I have your earphones- thought you might need them.”

I placed the earphones in the pocket of his suit jacket.

“I also have that list I wrote you. I figured that if I kept your letter, you should at least have my list so you can remember how special you are, ya know. I wish you could come back but maybe you’ll finally be happy.” I put the list on his chest and walked away before I cried more than I did last night. Hazel was waiting at my seat and grabbed my hand while me sat and waited for the service to begin.

I felt numb throughout the service, my head mostly looking at my feet while hazel sat beside me wiping tears from her and my face.

“And now, a tribute to Nico from his close friend, Leo.” The priest said. I looked up and with shaking hands, walked up to the stand knowing everyone’s eyes were on me.

 “There aren’t enough words in the world that I could fathom into a sentence that could make anyone understand how much I cared about Nico. I met Nico after a night trying to drink away my problems and I found him trying to do the same. I took him home and cleaned him up, offering him a bed to sleep in that night. I eventually persuaded him to stay at my apartment until he got back on his feet but he never had that chance. I knew Nico as a stranger to which I was doing a kindness. I then knew him as a friend. And them, I knew him as a lover who I had the best times of my life with ad I’ll never forget him for that. Nico hadn’t known much love in his life, but he had shown me more love than anyone else had before him.”

“In Nico’s final moments, I asked him to fight for me and I begged him to not make me say goodbye without him saying it first. I wanted to hear his voice one last time and he answered my prayers. He squeezed my hand and he opened his eyes and he said he loved me too and that was all that I needed. I wished he could have lived a longer life or a longer life with me and his half-sister Hazel by his side.”

“Voltaire, A French Writer once said “Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing on the lifeboats” Throughout all of our lives, we have hardships and we all experience loss, Nico especially.  But it is in these hardships and in these times of loss that are the times in which we find each other and the people who we were made to be. You can weep for the dead all you wish but we must remember the happier times. The times when we could see the light shine in their eyes and the way they laugh and the way the sunlight looked in their hair because these were the moments in which they were happiest so we must celebrate their lives as we wish we could celebrate their lives with them. Thank you.”

“Thank you Leo. Now may we all stand to sing Hallelujah”

And we sung as the sunlight shone through the stained glass windows casting coloured shadows throughout the church that could raise the dead. But it didn’t as I watched Nico laying there wishing he was here with me singing. And I wished I could hear that laugh that was a song to me.


	16. Chapter 16- Speaking With a Ghost

Leo P.O.V

Even inside, the cold air still found a way to bite at my exposed flesh as I pulled on a jumper. After I pulled on another jumper, a coat and then a hat and scarf, I put the small box in my pocket and grabbed the bouquet of roses and rushed out of the door. A fine layer of untouched snow laid on the sidewalk-of course no-one was out, it was Christmas. There was a faint air of Joy but I washed it off. Christmas had never been a particularly happy time for me especially when I had promised Hazel that I’d visit him. I turned the corner to the place I had dreaded.

Treading on the frozen ground, I first made my way to a grave all too familiar. The air felt warmer as I approached. Even now, I still felt safer when I was close to her.

“Merry Christmas Mom.” I said quietly as I placed the roses on the dirt in front of her tombstone and picked up the already dying ones that I had only placed there a week earlier. I visited her often enough but only once had I ventured further to his grave, the scars still too fresh, the wounds never seeming to heal. I wiped the fresh fallen snow off her tombstone and apprehensively walked away. I didn’t want to go there.

I saw it there and slowly, I kept walking, too afraid to stop. I pulled off my coat and lied it on the ground in front of the stone that read,

_Nico Di Angelo_

_March 6 th 1994- March 7th 2014._

_He preferred to sleep in the shadows._

“Hey Neeks.” The name still sticking in my throat. “Merry Christmas Bud. I know you always liked it.”

I fumbled in my pocket for the small box that contained his present.

“I know that if you were…here, you’d complain about how you hadn’t got me anything but I have something for you.” I pulled the box out and opened it in front of the grave as if he were sat there.

“It’s a locket. I know you don’t really like having pictures taken of you but I found some and… I know you’re not here and I know that you’re not coming back but I still want to give it you. I can’t keep it. I want to let go a little.”

I took a small handful of the dirt and moved it to one side. Slowly, I dropped the necklace into the hole and replaced the dirt.

“I could sit here all day telling you how things have gone. It was so hard at first Neeks. Everything reminded me of you, and every morning I was half expecting you to just appear to get a cup of coffee or see you eating breakfast. The apartment had never been so quiet. I used to drive around by myself just so I could get out. Every night it felt the same and I couldn’t sleep just looking at the spot where you laid or the sound of the gunshot and it hurts Nico. There’s a pain in my chest when I think of you. I know you can die of heartbreak but not dying is even worse. Because If I were dead, I could forget you. But I’m not, and you are always there.” I took my hat off and ran a hand through my hair frustrated with the fact that he was gone.

“I know Hazel visited you earlier. I wonder what she said. I don’t know if it was easier for her because this isn’t easy for me. I’m speaking to a ghost but do ghosts even listen? It scared me a little when It started getting cold again because I remember the heat I used to have and your cold hands in mine and I feel like my heat is gone ya know. You used to light this fire that burned right here,” I motioned to my heart.

“Whose going to light that fire now? I know what you’re going to say. I should move on. I should sort my shit out but, I can’t. I don’t know what the fuck you did but it left some kind of scar that won’t fade soon. I love you Nico.”

I stood up. “I wish we had more time together.”

Picking up my coat, I felt a slight pressure on my shoulder, but when I turned around, all I saw was a snow. I walked away leaving a trail of my footsteps in the snow. I felt a cold prick my left hand- a feeling all too familiar to ignore.

Nico P.O.V

I saw him walk away and grabbed his hand hoping he would know I was here one last time.


End file.
